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The Illusion of Unconditional Love: Why it's Not Always Healthy

We all want to be loved unconditionally. We crave it. The idea of being accepted completely just as we are is alluring. It is what we all aspire to. But is it even possible, and is it really healthy? Unconditional love seems like a wonderful and virtuous concept, but the reality is far from this idealistic vision. In this blog post, we’ll examine the problem with "unconditional love" and why perhaps it's not always healthy.

Unconditional love often leads to an expectation of unconditional acceptance which is problematic in that it leaves no room for boundaries. We accept people in our lives without boundaries, and without standards. We accept bad behavior, we turn a blind eye to flaws, just to keep the relationship moving forward. Sometimes we do this at a great cost to ourselves. This is not love; it's setting people up for failure.

Unconditional love can lead to complacency

Love is an essential aspect of our lives, but if it's unconditional, it can lead to complacency. When people love us despite everything, there is no impetus to change ourselves. We become too comfortable with who we are and how we behave. If no one ever tells us "no," we will keep doing the same thing. Without a sense of accountability and responsibility, our behavior never changes.

We can't always love someone unconditionally

Our lives are full of experiences, both negative and positive. These events shape our personalities and our way of thinking. When we interact with others, we bring this baggage with us. It's impossible to have unconditional love for someone else if we're influenced by our personal experiences. This doesn't mean we shouldn't love them, but rather, we should recognize that limitations exist.

Unconditional love can lead to abuse

Unfortunately, when there are no limits in place, the idea of "unconditional love" can be dangerous. People often use the notion of unconditional love as a tool to control and manipulate others. This means they have complete power over their victim because they have convinced them that "real love" means tolerating abuse and controlling behavior. This isn't love; it's emotional abuse, and it should be avoided at all costs.

Love needs boundaries

Healthy relationships require boundaries. They help us to maintain our integrity, our values, and our identity. Establishing healthy boundaries means we can have a clear definition of what is acceptable, and what is not. When we create boundaries in our lives, we are protecting our values and adjusting to changes. Without boundaries set in place, we become vulnerable to manipulation and control. Love needs boundaries- this is the most significant component of true love.

Unconditional love is a lovely thought, but the reality is far more complex. Loving without boundaries can lead to misery, abuse, and complacency. The truth is, love without limitations isn't love at all. We need to learn to love and accept ourselves, with all our flaws and limitations, knowing that this makes us human. Instead of striving for an unattainable ideal, why not focus on loving and accepting those around us within the bounds of healthy relationships?

Boundaries are not about limitations or restrictions - they are the key to love without manipulation and control.

Without open minds & hearts - AND - open eyes, firmly grounded in self-awareness and self-respect, we can embrace love with all its ups & downs and still strive for healthy, fulfilling relationships.

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